Techniques To Help You Survive As A Side Chic...hehehehehehe

I saw this article on a lovely blog i follow http://thenakedconvos.com  that kept me laughing. It was

written by @mohmahmee . If you are a side chic, i guess you will enjoy this write up. Abeg its not that am encouraging side chics oh, just thought this is a nice piece that should be disseminated on my blog....hehehehehe.
Anyway i believe you as the main chic should also employ the techniques below to make your position secured. 

Being a side chic isn’t as easy or as lavish as it sounds. It’s a competitive job you gotta work HARD at lest you lose it to some young blood with big boobs and a thriving Instagram account.

First thing about side chics that we gotta look into is how we’re not preaching the gospel of not getting carried away enough. You can’t be creating a bubble for yourself where you‘re the mainchic and want main chic attention.

 Aunty, is that your job description? I’m going to drop five tenets and you are going to have to listen because the world is sick and tired of your whining and highfalutin, okay? Okay

1. Keep the drama away: This is probably the most important tip you will ever need. Drama is never ever a healthy colour on a side chic. You can’t be starting fights, you can’t be bothered that he hasn’t called you since yesterday.Don’t try to snuggle to him and ask him how his day was. THAT IS NOT YA WORK! Stay on your bloody lane, gademmit! You can’t get angry because he forgot your birthday talmabout “I just said let me not remind you about my birthday and you forgot it like I suspected. You don’t care, I can‘t take it”…kwa kwa kwa. Ma’am hush. Don’t anybody gat time fi dat.

Understand that space is important. He’s most likely with you for the sex. Dazall. Don’t come here expecting glass slippers.

You gotta learn your place like it’s a geography class. When you hear they got married to their main chic, you cannot show up to the wedding with a gun waiting for your cue from the Minister.

2. Weight: I believe that most sidechics should know this already but I’m gonna say it anyway: You are not allowed to play around with your weight especially when it’s leaning towards more. You gotta take your workout seriously. Get (stay) in shape. Work a treadmill. Because truth is, when you start to add weight, you start to feel special and vulnerable.

You gotta understand that this staying in shape business is not a joke.

This is a common case of getting carried away and getting way too damn comfortable. You are simply not allowed to be looking robust and fed like the new bride. Mbanu!

You have to be able to form your dirty talk around sitting on his face without him coming to your house with an inhaler.

When you take off your clothes, nobody has gotta gag or throw up. You can’t be looking like those water stuffing games from that German show ‘Telematch’ on NTA. Stop that rubbish, please.

3. Packaging: You gotta be packing it, girl! You gotta know stuff. What you gotta un’sten is most of these niggas tryna make it right with you without all that commitment palaver. Some guys are with their present partners because of sacrifice or family or the good ol’ loving. They genuinely love these people and will stay with them no matter how many nights they stay with you. They been through stuff with these women and even if these women don’t know the color of their jersey of their favourite team and you rap with football stats, it’s not enough.

Your entire package has gotta be on point. Read a book, read a book, read a ‘buku’. Be independent, be delicate, have good hygiene, No wearing of hairnet to the market, no nonsense outfits, No tying of wrapper (Ada Ada, you must really think this is your village August meeting?)

4. Skills: This goes without saying. Your bedmatics gotta be on point. You have to be teaching skills not waiting for him to teach you. Be able to flip it sideways, up, down, left, center, kitchen, lawn, threesome, orgysome, hanging on the wall..

You cannot come and lie down like main chic and say “oya come and do me one style I read in cosmo”. First of all, why are you looking for skills in cosmo and not picking gangster skills from watching crass Ghanaian porn?

5. Keep your high expectations at just grades and the Government: Don’t get dreamy or desperate. He takes you out for one decent drink and you’re drawing castles in the sky. You can’t be asking where is this going or what are we now? (Well, sleepy for one. Nutting does that to you. So you just gon’ keep all that blanket to yourself?)

You can’t be getting jealous that he’s doing it with some other chic. Again for the umpteenth time in this post alone, such main chic behaviour is not to be condoned.