How to handle a STUBBORN person

Being stubborn sometimes has its own advantage and disadvantage especially when you are in a relationship. For me i can be pretty stubborn and when i mean stubborn i mean to the core. But i found out that stubborn people are the most BEAUTIFUL people on earth. Why? you may ask and i will simply answer...because it takes just 5minutes to bring them out of the world of stubbornness.



I know that dealing with a stubborn person can be very frustrating because they feel they are always right (from personal experience) and they always find a way to make you look stupid especially when you are trying to advice them. Some people can actually attest to the fact that they are stubborn while some don't even know they are. But let me tell you something, If you cant take corrections, you are always standing your ground, you always assume you are right, you have the last words to say at every argument...then you have the tendency of being stubborn.

Have you ever been or you are currently in a relationship with someone you consider as being stubborn? If yes, let me share a few tips on how you can handle that stubborn girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband or friend. Its so easy if you really want to make your relationship work...

1- START WITH A BIT OF FLATTERY: One of the reason why stubborn people are the way they are is because they hate to be wrong...yes that's true... They think that they know the best way to do everything and anything and this will make them be a bit sensitive when they are been told otherwise. So please, abeg when you talk to a stubborn person try to make them feel good about themselves. But please don't make it sound like you are just sucking up to get your way, be sincere. You can flatter them by starting off like this :
"You always have such a great idea, i trust you on that..."
"I always knew you can pull this up and i am so proud of you..."
"My love, trust me, i know how you feel because its only normal to feel this way...''

2-  VALUE THEIR OPINION: Stubborn people are usually very opinionated. Another thing you will have to deal with as regards handling a stubborn partner is that you have to acknowledge their position (very important) and show them that they really have a great idea. Dont make them think that their thought, opinion or idea is completely stupid (even if sometimes it is). If you make them feel this way, they will never listen to anything you have to say. Because at this point you turn the table around and they start feeling you always want to be right. Make sure you repeat their arguement and show that what they are saying is actually correct...that way he or she will see that you do value him or her as well as their opinion. You can make them feel good about themselves like starting this way before driving your point...

"I think going to the club is a great idea, I love it. But..."
"I know we didn't have the greatest time hanging out with Sarah and Jude last night, and you are right about me not showing my feelings. But i really think we should give us a second chance..."
''I know you feel this way because i caused it (even though you know you didn't cause it but you acknowledge they feel you do), i promise to make you happy and feel good...But can we...''


3- DON'T TELL THEM THEY ARE WRONG: If you really love him or her and you want your relationship to work, don't ever tell a stubborn person out-rightly that they are wrong. The last thing that a stubborn person wants to hear is that he or she is flat-out wrong. Don't ever say, ''you are totally wrong about this'' or ''You don't just get it''. This will alienate the person and make them not want to talk again...Just make it clear that he or she has some great view and that you have considered them carefully. Especially when going through a really bumpy time and you guys were involved in an argument where a lot was said...don't say o a stubborn person " That thing you told me yesterday, don't ever say it to any man..."(Excuse me!!! that is not the best time to correct them). You can say things like..
"Yesterday we said a lot of things to each other, a lot that i know we didn't mean and am very sorry i put you through such stress...But a particular thing you said hurt me...''
''We both have such great ideas but i think there are a lot of ways we can look at this ( this shows that you think the person is equally right)..."

4- SHOW THEM WHY A PARTICULAR THING IS IMPORTANT TO YOU:  If a stubborn person cares about you, then he or she will be persuaded just by hearing why the things you want would mean so much to you. But the manner at which you say it matters a lot.. This will help them see the situation on a human level and they will see that its more than being about them but also about their partner and giving you what you want is the ultimate. You can start like this:

''I have been craving to go to the beach for weeks now. Can we please go? I can always go on my own but that just won't be fun as going with you''
''I would like to go out with Sarah and Jude too. But i just want this day to be about us. Going out with you alone will make me so happy..''

5- DON'T SAY THAT THEY ARE STUBBORN: The last thing a stubborn person wants to hear is that he or she is stubborn. Stubborn people are defensive and well stubborn and if you even say this word around them, they will clam up and even less likely to change. Don't say, ''Why do you have to be stubborn?'' or the person will stop listening to you because they assume you already know they are stubborn so no need to be annoyingly angry with them.

6- BE PATIENT: It takes time to truly persuade a stubborn person, especially if you're trying to break a stubborn pattern of behavior. It won't happen overnight, and you have to remind yourself that you'll have to start with the small stuff  before you can to move to the bigger issues . Tell yourself that you can change the person little by little, but that you won't be able to make him or her someone completely new.

I can go on and on about how to handle a stubborn person, but the bottom-line is that if you keep on wanting to be the one with the right answers, you may never have a peaceful relationship. Arguments in a relationship isn't all about who win or who loose. it is about knowing what to say at the right time and also knowing what not to say at the wrong time.

If you also keep trying to make a stubborn person see your point of view to no avail at all, then you may end up being the stubborn one (think well).

Giving up on a stubborn person doesn't mean you are weak, it just means that you have been rational and know there's nothing else that can be done.

Like i said, some people can't even tell if they are stubborn or not. Being stubborn can end up ruining your chances in life if you don't learn to put limits on your stubbornness. Sometimes standing your ground is important but so is compromise, so is cooperation, and so is collaboration. As a stubborn person, there are also ways you can help yourself. First of all, accept that you are not always right...TO BE CONTINUED!!!

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